


loki comes out to thor

by sad_max



Series: wsmagc fics [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crack Fic, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Multiple Writers, Offensive Humor, Parody Fic, group doc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-06-15 11:02:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15411489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sad_max/pseuds/sad_max
Summary: 8 awful gays write an awful parody fic in a group doc.or, parody fic of dramatic yaoi fanfiction written by cishets





	loki comes out to thor

**Author's Note:**

> tw exaggeration of homophobia and self-harming, joking about neopronouns and mogai identities, exaggeration and emphasis of dramatic past abuse  
> (bolded text is author notes and italics is loki speaking his native language :/// XDD wee wee lol)  
> i think i need to put a disclaimer. everyone who wrote this is not homophobic, transphobic, nbphobic etc nor do we think that having depression/anxiety is #Emo. this is just like,, offensive humor that is all

Loki sighed heavily, a dreadful feeling filling they’re chest as they made their way to Thor, who was standing out on one of the homes many balconies. A nervous flutter filled their chest, a feeling too familiar to past experiences they didn’t wish to discuss.  Sorry- _he_ was too familiar with, Loki corrected as the thought disappeared back into the darker corners of his brain.

 

Loki tapped Thor’s shoulder, causing the blonde to jump, before turning around as the confusion left his face and turned to pleasant shock. “Brother! So good to see you’ve finally come out of your hole.” Loki winced internally, immediately regretting leaving their room. They would rather be there then face a cold, _judging_ society.

 

“I-I have something to tell you. “ Loki muttered, and when their brother didn’t say anything, they continued.

  
“You know how you call me brother?” Thor nodded, and loki hummed nervously. This was so much worse than before, Loki could feel they’re anxiety clawing at them. The cuts on their arms stinging harder then before under their sleeves.

 

“I'm...A Non-Binary. They/Them, please,” Loki said. He — no, _they_ (they slip up sometime) felt themselves about to cry.

 

“You What,” said thor.

 

“You know what they say, i’m gay. I’m mega gay, thor.”

 

Thor gasped, outragged. “ how dare thou!!” He threw a chair at Loki. A splinter hit them, causing one of their cuts to burst open. They passed out from blood loss.

 

Loki woke up later with a concussion. Well, they

 

**loki commits sauce on the side bc homophobes**

**"blesse respect me thor im uwu space nb my pronouns are stab/stabself" ur welcome stabself im gonna lose it**

 

 _had_ a concussion, but they slept it off. Thor was sitting stony faced near them.

“This is so sad, heimdall play despacito” said lady sif sitting nearby.

“I will never accept you, _Luke_ ,” Thor said. Loki started crying. Thor hasn't even bothered to bandage their wounds while they were unconscious.

 

**This was bad to begin with- and then you guys made it so much worse ily’all**

**I Know. *dies like han solo in carbonite except actual death***

**This is so sad, alexa play immigrant song**

 

Later Thor came up to them again. “I'm so sorry, brother — I mean, sibling.

 

 _will thor ever_ _accept me?_ Loki thot, in the Asgardian language. Or were they left to die alone, it’d be better off that way anyway. They already felt Suicidal to begin with.

 

You are a lovely Non-Binary Person.”

 

Loki smiled tearfully. “Thank you, brother, for accepting me.” They then started sobbing and hugged Thor.

Little did they know that Thor was suffering in silence himself, for he had a boyfriend. Being a Gay made Thor feel constantly shameful.

 

Od*n suddenly came from behind a pillar. “YOU SINNER,” he yelled, “you’re never going to HEAVEN now, UNLIKE UR BROTHER THOR”

 

Thor jumped and punched Od*n in the face. “Actually xkkds sksnsknwlwmdmdd dndkmd, I'm Gay!!!!”

 

**i didnt even mean ti do that i just wanted to throw rhe writer off**

**Nobody fix that its staying in. Yes good**

**What do you mean fix that was perfect**

**A “fellow Gay” i’m fucking crying. Guys 4 sapphic steves and i’ll leave our editor notes in sapphic steve + 200000000**

**The Gays have spoken.**

 

Od*n gasped. Loki was silent and shocked.

 

**+1 sapphic steve**

**Note: clearly differenciate btween authors notes and text pls im gay and cant read italics**

**Of course- my mistake fellow Gay.**

“Brother…...I had no idea you were a fellow Gay,” Loki said. Loki still felt sad though, because they had no fellow Transgenders.

 

Heimdall showed up and also punched Od*n in the face. Then he said, “Hola, amigos! Od*n is a racist. He arrested me for being Spánish.” He became sad and said in Spánish, “ _He also arrested my dear sister_ **_Valkyrie_ ** _. Luckily we both escaped jail using our cocaine cult that us Spáinerians are all a part of._ ”

 

Valkyrie also came in and punched Od*n in the face. **one sec im gonna copy paste the lance adam scene rq** When Heimdall saw her again for the first time since their cocaine smuggling session a few months ago, he remembered a memory that he remembered.

 

 **\--** **_flashback--_ **

**_Make it a flashback you coward_ **

Thor made way to hug his fiancé Valkyrie before he felt a body physically push him to the side as he heard a crash of bodies hit the floor. Heimdall had pushed him to get Valkyrie first. Confusion plagued his mind as he stared at the two Spainerians hugging each other on the floor, Valkyrie’s face mirroring his confusion before recognition flashed on her face and tears started streaming down both of his faces as they both sobbed in joy.

 

**_\-- end flashback --_ **

 

Valkyrie looked at Heimdall in shock and said, “ _Hermano?_ ”

 

“Who the hell is hermano?” Heimdall said before shooting her in the head, killing her instantly.

**Heimdall is bucky confirmed hi this is mantis i want to kermit**

“ _Lo siento_ ,” he said to his Latina sister’s mwithering corpse.

 

Loki sent a janitor to mop her up and said, “still pissed bout the lack of Transgenders :(“

 

Thor smiled at him. “‘I’m also Stargender, Loki.” Thor was smiling.

 

Heimdall raised a brow “ how the fuck did you :(?”

 

“Don’t question it- bitch.”

 **Im so sorry, guys. Whoever reads this im frozen in the backyard freezer ive been there since 1964   Bucky?** who the hell is hermano

**Lies! Everything is fine here!!**

He spoke in old norse now. “ _Call me using star/starself._ _i'm genderflux. i transition between stargender and knifegender. this is what i mean when i say i feel stabby. it was a terrible realization, thor, and i feel like oversharing. when i was a young lad, i saw a knife on the counter and i used it to stab you, i felt a...strange connection to-"_

 

"please shut the fuck up," thor interrupted.

 

“I don’t even know where to begin i’m at a loss for words” Od*n muttered, and a memory flashed up again in Loki’s brain, the feeling of cold denial still ever present on his heart as he saw his girlfriend having s miscarriage. is this loss

**Leave it, leave it in- guys hold on i have the best fucking idea**

 

And then, a rumble emitted from outside the castle thing name i forgot, and T*ny stark was outside the palace gates.

**The plot thiccens NO WAY IS THIS LOKI/TONY ARE WE DOING THIS**

Loki felt a strange longing for the human, and forgot his miscarriaged girlfriend and ran to the billionaire. They’re lips clashed in soft yearning and homosexuality for each other. They started making out sluttily, even though half of assgard could see they didn't care, because they finally believed in themselves. And understood why assgard was like that,.

**jkkasdjad I CAN'T FINISH THIS BLESS YOU I'LL CARRY ON FOR U**

**im hacking maybe this is a sign from god**

 

"bls fuck me tonro shove dollah bills up my assh-" loki was thirsty. he used being horny as a coping mechanism for his past abuse. Suddenly she remembered something from his past with thotnos even though this is before that. And that made loki want to Die and shit, bc depression be like that sometimes.

 

“Pls no i beg of u” heimdall muttered

 

"please shut the fuck up," thor interrupted.

 

Loki turned their head quickly, shouting at their sibling “bitch. “ he lashed out bc she was Depressed.

 

**TIMEOUT GUYS.**

**WHO’S WHO.**

**tones**

**It me,mantis DAD YOU’RE HERE? FUCK dad leave :( you’re not supposed to read our fanfiction!! but im h e l p i n g**

**Mantis why are u so gay. Let dad Help dads great this brings joy to the last days on earth**

**I’m a lesbian- fine, ok**

**WRITE UR NAME.**

 

**peet**

**hi dad**

**hi son**

**Mantis is pink. Tones is purple, peet is orange, and i am val**

 

**HEY FELLAS BRUCE IS BOUTTA DO A DRAMATIC READING ON VOICE. IM BRUCE BY THE WAY THIS IS SELF ADVERTISEMENT**

**LETS MAKE IT TO 7000**

**YALL WE GOT 1285 WORDS ON THIS IN TWENTy m**

**Inutes**

**Lets keep writing gays**

**Lets go lesbians. Here we go lesbians lets go LETS FO LEABIANS**

**YALL BETTER GET IT IN GET IT HOT AND VOICE**

**Guys we need to have a text channel dedicated to ONLY this fic**

Loki ran to their bedroom in tears. he grabbed a knife off the counter, perhpas seeing himself would feel at ease. Loki was depressed, and his war flashbacks really made her depressed. he turned on his alexa, but instead of playing despacito, he listened to sleeping with sirens _nightcore_. Then he started listening to The Black Parade; no g-note warning.

**Put it in italics so i cant read it.**

Loki wrote “ _Emo_ ” on their arm with the knife. it healed because he was a god. he cried. He sobbed like a fucking baby. He cried like when MCR first split. Like his fuckin arm. _"welcome to the black parade,"_ he murmured to himself in his native language (asgardian obviously despite him being from jotunheim  **spell it right you fucking furries sowwy im a lesbian [i thought u were american] i dont know how to read** ) because #deep. _"we live in a society."_ **_We live in a fucking society_ **

 

"please shut the fuck up," thor interrupted. It was the fifth time he’d said that in three minutes. He had to yell it over the black parade. “Coming out of my cage an d ive been doing just fine,” said thot. Thot was a prep.

**Spending your last week of summer writing a joke fic with your friends is gay culture**

 

"i keep referring to myself in the third person as he i have EVERY FUCKING RIGHT YOU HOMOPHOBIC PREP," loki shouted, tears in her eyes.

 

"stop referring to yourself in the third person as he as a form of self harm then??!!!!" thor said.

 

"No." loki said. "ir'e a coping mechanism"

 

"skdksmsksksk fine" thor said.

 

**sksksiwanttodie**

 

"are- are you _Gay?_ " loki said.

 

"why do you think i'd be a disgusting home of sexu whale? _BAKA!_ " thor hissed.

 

"you- you _keysmashed_ ," lolicon said, wiping his blotchy red face.

 

"stop speakig in asgard you fucking prick"

 

"you're so ABUSIVE," loki shouted, grabbing the knife off his bedside as he stared thor dead in the eye. _"i'll do it."_

 

“LOKI I CAN T READ ITALICS SKSKSMKSWNWKSJN"

 

 _"YOU DON'T UNDERSYAND ME, THOR, IM NOT NORMAL,"_ loki shouted, tears pouring doen his cheeks. "i'm...i'm...i'm _hufflepuff_."

 

"that explains everything hing."

 

" _fuck you. im a weird girl,"_ loli said.

 

"blease srop misgendering yourself kyle"

 

"KYLE IS MY BOYFIRNED" **mood**

 

"shir man km sorry akxkkdskskwndksown"q

 

"as you should be. now i will guilt trip you" loki muttered, turning uhe music and holding the knife to his arm.

 

"d-don't-"

 

when the knife pressed against his vein, though, a loud _OOF_ sound came from down the hallway. they both peaked out the black painted door, and there he was, holding his beaten walkman upin glory.

 

Pempter Quiwee wee lol.

 

suddenly, despacito ii started playing. peter stared at the two with a deadpan, but determined expression on his face.

 

"what- what?" loki said, holding his hand over the blood pouring from his veins.

 

"eradicate the emo. spread the memes," peter said.

 

"emo broken heart emoji," loki said.

 

"please shut the fuck up," thor replied, starting to get real sick of the fucking bullshit.

 

"listen to my cool beats," peter said. mr sandman but the intro is uncomfortably meaty and plays throughout the entire song started playing.

 

Thor nutted then and there.

**i yote myself outta there**

**Forgot to capatilize it**

**sorry :(**

**_Loki is a dumb bitch and i would kill for them uwu im def not straight id kill for my gay baby authors note: if u dont know who gerard gay is get OUTTA HERE!!!!_ **

 

When thor looked behind tony, **what the fuck are the pronouns for star people**

 **star/starself duh educate urself** the guardians of the galaxy we’re behind him.

Peter quill waved, trying to ignore the two Lesbians standing next to him that we’re aggressively groping each other. Because that is definitely something that Gay’s do.

 

“Peter??”

 

Thor gasped, covering star’s mouth and running over to quill. It was star boyfriend, Peter quill. The two embraced, thor holding quills face happily and pressing kisses to the humans face.

“ Hey babe, shfsdfkksfiasdaiwudhajsdhuaiewjdhsajwdhgsawjdhsuawdgsayw!”

**Gays im gonna wrte the wedding scene**

 

Loki stood in a fucking mix between a wedding dress and a tuxedo. Looking at Tony she felt farther away from the Traumatic Event he doesn’t like to think about. Tony also stood there wearin a fucking expensive suit from some expensive designer from earth. But tony wasnt a capitalist anymore. Hed thrown away all his privilege like a good White would do.

**The fucking pronouns just switched like a coin lmao #relatable am i rIGht? Adsf mooy**

 

“I’m Glad We’re Getting Married Now,” said lowkey, groping his bfs ass lke a true homo. And then they got married, like thot and his bf beter quillicall. Also his other bf davic mchetstrsight. Thor is poly.  

 

Val drunk all the alcohol in the party and then fucced every girl and guy there. Slutty bisexuals, so slutty.

 

Nebula and mantis had hot Lesbo sex in the background, cause that is what the Gays do.

 

 **The end. Word count:** **2235**

 

**Whos posting this.**

**Vote:**

**Wait lets do a poll**

**FUCKERS LETS DO A POLL**

**I’ll do it- mantis**

**There should be like, five votes? Idk how many of us are there**

**i can postthis i got a bunch of subs - peet**

**I could post it i dont giv**

**Good peter will get this popular - mant**

 

**LEAVE A LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE AND LEAVE A LIKE AND HAVE U HEARD OF SKILLSHARE**

**Shit** **asdfghjk loki gay wee weelol**

**lol**

**Lol**

**Wee wee lol**

**Drakes plan by god amirite**

**MOOD**

 

**BIG PHAT MOOD**

**Big stupid thiccque mood**

**Author's Note:**

> wee wee lol  
> lol  
> wee wee  
> lol  
> this is why wsmagc chapter 13 hasnt been released yet


End file.
